Daze of our Lives...

You are worth more than this!

2012-02-02T21:24:00.000+01:00

The most beautiful books in my life are the ones which keep on returning to memory at many and varied moments. Often inopportune ones, quite often at serendipitious ones, as if things I'd learned and half understood in the past suddenly fall into place for a wonderful "AHA" moment, in which many things which I'd been struggling with became clear. One of those books is "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert Pirsig, for me a deep and incisive enquiry into values, the meaning of quality and how ethics often seem to be at odds with daily realities.

It's a strange, convoluted book with a number of sub-plots which each have their own distinct story, intertwined into past and present histories of the narrator, his family and the school at which he teaches. The book plays itself out in the onslaught and aftermath of a nervous breakdown whilst the writer attempts to unravel the mysteries of quality and how mankind attempts to reconcile it's own creative nature with the demands of an increasingly technological world.

Life is filled with tensions, in the most part primarily those between existence and fulfilment. First and foremost we need to find ways to keep ourselves alive, sheltered and as healthy as possible. Directly on the heels of this though there are the incessant creative urges of people themselves to make life more interesting and beautiful, to express themselves in whatever ways they can and make their world a more liveable and more enjoyable place.

The sad thing is that we are part of a social system in which individuality and creativity seems to suppressed as much as possible, where art and metaphysical value is looked down upon and implicitly discouraged, where we are expected to become part of a production process which benefits others and ourselves only tangentially. We are expected to work enthusiastically to produce services and products which often hardly interest us and which are foisted on a public who were originally oblivious of their "needs" beforehand, our efforts ultimately serving only to create disposable items to generate revenue and market share for those who control business.

Even sadder is that few people really seem to realise what's going on. One thing Pirsig writes, which continually comes back to mind, is that an inability to see takes on several forms. Something can be so small, so undiscernable that it escapes our attention at the best of times. Others, though, can be so large, so pervasive and so self-explanatory that they cannot be seen because they are just there as part of the social fabric or of the developed personal psyche. We move on from day to day, with a vague sense of things not being quite right but not being able to pinpoint what it is that is bothering us. We have jobs which supply income so we can continue to live, but which often leave us with a little discontented afterwards. Often with a feeling of "I could do much better than this. But how?". And so we get stuck again, unable to move, feeling challenged and lightly frustrated because we just can't see what's going on.

Learning to see, daring to question, being able to identify issues nobody talks about is to my mind the most basic element of human freedoms. To develop the mind to become aware of the power plays in society is of utmost importance if we wish not to be treated as election fodder for those who would govern us on behalf of business interests. Sharpen your wits to point out the blatant inequalities and excesses which take place daily, discuss them en bring those responsible to account, use your creativity to develop your imagination and furnish your world with colour and contentment. It's only then we can say that we're leading full lives and participating effectively in a society which caters to the needs of all.

A USA based view, although reasonably applicable throughout most of the world nowadays.
This video contains strong language...
We all need values in life, the one thing we should value most is ourselves and our own happiness as part of a communal effort, not squandering our right to be fully present in the world for the thirty pieces of silver we earn every month and selling our souls to the highest bidder. Your life is much more precious than that dictated to you by outside interests, it's up to you to make your voice heard.

Good luck, take care and keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2012-02-01T19:00:00.000+01:00

Thought for the day

2012-01-31T20:33:00.000+01:00

Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
~ Henry David Thoreau ~

Keep well...

Finding yourself again

2012-01-30T22:51:00.000+01:00

The qualification matches are over, three weekends back to back were just a little too much of a good thing in the end although I seem to have managed to get through this year a lot more easily than in previous years. I guess it's partly to do with the fact that I'm physically a lot fitter now, but also that I've learned a lot of new skills to cut down the load for myself on a competition day.

I've probably mentioned before that besides the technical aspects of the sport I'm also interested in the "people" part of the day itself. One of the things I like to do in between the activities is to go looking for interesting personal moments or portraits of the competitors. People who are actively involved in something which moves them deeply have a quality of expression which I seldom see and which intrigues me.

People change when doing something they love, eyes and body language tell a relaxed and natural story, the real person comes to life and moves in ways unexpected and unsuspected. Emotions come freely and naturally, there's space for reflection and honesty when mundane constrictions are put aside.

The same happens at festivals and fairs, people who have managed to shake off their "normal" life become open and less inhibited, showing parts of themselves they wouldn't dream of doing out in the "real" world. In some ways it's a form of escape, in others it's a time for enjoyment and rejuvenation, following dreams and rekindling the flames of intuition.

We all need moments in which we can become ourselves. Our lives are too often filled with the need to play the part of somebody who is at odds with our own needs and desires. The realities of our daily lives require us to act in other ways than we would like, often to our own detriment. How many of us have had to sacrifice that which we genuinely feel comfortable with in exchange for a chafing existence in which we would prefer to do otherwise?

I sometimes wonder if it's such a wonderful tradeoff, too often exchanging much of our happiness for an economically safe situation in life and too much associated dreariness. Imagination is a precious commodity, often as adults we've lost much of our ability to reconnect with the things that make life beautiful and worthwhile. What are you doing to find yourself again in the noise and confusion of daily life?

Keep looking, keep on dreaming, keep well...

Regional Championships, Southern District

2012-01-29T21:34:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was the third and last qualification competition for the National Championships which are to be held in March. All things told, it was a reasonably relaxed day with only 45 participants, although there was the usual mix of tension and apprehension in play at any given moment.

For the participants these events are a make-or-break moment. There is just one chance to perform creditably and one mishap can ruin everything. One issue the youngsters face during their exercises is one of absolute trust, in themselves, in their trainers and in the good results they'll need to be bringing home.

Sometimes there's disbelief, sometimes there's the sinking feeling that what they've done is right on the edge, occasionally they scare the crap out of themselves when things go differently to how they'd planned. Disappointment is often followed by an encore of tears and the occasional tantrum, mostly there's just an (indignant) resignation when the outcome didn't meet expectations.

And so it goes. Life rarely goes according to plan, just to add a bit of excitement and drama along the way. Keep well...

Fractals on Friday

2012-01-27T22:35:00.000+01:00

This is part two of a six-part series about the genesis of the Mandelbrot fractal.
The first episode was introduced four weeks ago, the rest are to follow soon.

Here's another little excursion into different areas of the fractal world. Who said mathematics couldn't be beautiful?

Enjoy, keep well...

Who are you?

2012-01-26T21:24:00.000+01:00

This is a post I wrote a couple of years ago. A lot has happened in the intervening time a lot, the issues involved here are still as relevant and as urgent as they were then.

Recognition is one of the most basic necessities of being human. Practically all of us participate in varying social groups, families, work spaces, places of recreation or even when just together in a train on your way to wherever.

People need to be noticed, to be seen as valid participants in society, to be needed by somebody else in meaningful ways. People need to be seen and feel valued, not just noticed in a distracted way, in passing glances whilst we whizz along doing other things we find important.

Loneliness is one of the most serious and underrated afflictions in our society... all too often we have little idea of the people who live around us and all too often even less interest in attempting a small but meaningful one-to-one interaction.

This clinic has helped me focus on this issue. We're all in this together here, in a small, closed community in which we need to act and interact with each other. Many here have been temporarily derailed by personal circumstance, some are shedding the inheritance of a previous lifestyle, some are damaged and lonely souls who have lost their way in a world they barely understand, let alone be able to participate in in any meaningful way.

A friendly word, helping with a chore you see someone is having difficulty with, a well-meant smile or a quiet joke can make such a difference for someone battling with isolation, their own place in a new social setting, a seemingly hostile world.

It's so easy, it costs nothing besides a moment of connection and little effort, but carries such an enormous value. Just by noticing someone and letting them feel important for a moment is probably the greatest gift of all.

Keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2012-01-25T19:30:00.000+01:00

Are you still comfortable?

2012-01-24T21:42:00.000+01:00

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
~ Steve Jobs ~

Sharing and caring

2012-01-23T21:57:00.000+01:00

Everybody needs help in some way. There's no single person alive who can get along in life on his or her own, without the assistance of others. If only in the most practical ways, there will always be people necessary, to make the clothes you wear, provide the electricity you use, furnish the goods and services which you need to conduct your daily business. No one can be alone, unless you wish to make tremendous sacrifices.

On a closer level, people also need others around them for stimulation, for reflection and for feedback on how they are doing in the world they live in. We all need a certain form of validation, people like to share things and encourage each other so as to bring out the best in ourselves. If we shut ourselves up completely, we condemn ourselves to be confined to the small world of our own pretentiousness, and limit our abilities to our own familiar mindsets.

In the course of each day we receive all sorts of input. Good and positive things, negative and degrading ones, overwhelmingly neutral ones. Situations, ideas and knowledge are not good or bad on their own, yet since they come from sources outside of ourselves they need to be filtered and processed, after assessment for how applicable the gained input can be for our own well-being. It's a process of stretching, expanding and growing. In mental, emotional and spiritual ways, understanding that we don't posess all wisdom and that other people can provide valuable insights for our own further progress.

On the other hand, people enjoy sharing the knowledge and experience they gain with others. People write, people sing, people tell each other endlessly about whatever interests, concerns, frightens or enlightens them, and as our technological possibilities expand we see that humanity has embraced the internet to connect with as many other people as possible to share whatever they feel is important for them. We all love expressing ourselves, we all love being listened to and we all appreciate what others have to say, in as far as the message can intersect with our own perceptions of reality.

Getting down to the bottom line now, although we all talk and share and project, can we also listen as well? Are we able to just shut up occasionally and really try to understand the message somebody else is trying to get across? I must confess that, when I'm in a hurry, I barely take the time to digest the input I've received. I'm so busy rushing from one thing to the next that everything just becomes one great, gray jumble in my mind, and I end up confused, annoyed, tired and disconnected.

Part of the sharing process is also taking the time to listen, to be silent and be attentive to the needs of whatever it is someone needs to express. It's not all about me, it's all about us. Sometimes it's about me, often enough the realities of the lives of others need consideration and understanding, to the exclusion of my own needs, wishes or inclinations. Back and forth, giving and taking, sharing and receiving, it's all good and all necessary to create a well-rounded and fulfilling life.

So there we go. Look, listen, learn and share, and keep on sharing. Life's too short to be selfish, life is for living with other people around us, to make the world a better place for all. Have a great day, keep well...

Freedom of religion

2012-01-22T21:24:00.000+01:00

“Real religion should be something that liberates men. But churches don’t want free men who can think for themself and find their own divinity within. When a religion becomes organized it is no longer a religious experience but only superstition and estrangement.”
~ Federico Fellini ~

Regional Championships, Mid-Western District

2012-01-21T22:31:00.000+01:00

The Wheel Gymnastics regional competition for our district was held today, in a city about 40km from here. Three of the four clubs in our province were represented, with some fifty participants altogether.

All in all it was a bit of a strange day. Many small mishaps, long waits and disappointed gymnasts along with much hilarity, improvisation and occasional confusion. For my part, shooting a competition with a raging headache and a sore throat didn't help much either.

Once again the lighting was difficult. I managed to get hold of a more or less useful colour temperature but with an insanely harsh contrast which I can't correct on the camera I'm once again going to have a lot of adjusting to do this week.

No matter, more than enough to keep me occupied for a while. Keep well...

Fractals on Friday

2012-01-20T23:06:00.000+01:00

I've been a bit distracted during the last week or so, lots of photo stuff going on so I haven't had much time to go exploring my fractals. It's probably going to stay that way until at least the beginning of February, so in the meantime I'll try to find some of the better videos on YouTube which I can use for inspiration and elucidation.

I love the 3-D effect of this film, it adds an extra element of awe to an already amazing phenomenon. In a way it feels like I'm descending into an endless rift, as timeless and deep as eternity itself. I wonder which programme was used to make this effect. That, and how much processing power was needed to render this video. It's amazing.

Keep well...

How a person with ADD* makes dinner

2012-01-19T21:41:00.000+01:00

While cleaning the kitchen in preparation for cooking dinner, notice that the living room is cluttered. This is not a revelation of any kind, as those in your immediate world have all pointed out repeatedly that not everyone keeps their old newspapers in reverse chronological order and in multiple stacks about the room.
Obsessing about the stacks of newspapers, you decide to clean the room from top to bottom. On second thought, that seems like a lot of work, so you turn on the TV and vow to least get rid of half the newspapers before dinner.
Dinner. What IS for dinner anyway? Return to the refrigerator, which is nearly full, but nothing strikes your fancy. Browse through two or three cookbooks, make a grocery list, grab your purse and head out the door.

Walking to the car, notice the "WASH ME" dust graffiti. Grab the hose and turn it on. While watching the water run down the driveway in rivulets, remember that the roses could use a good pruning.
En route to the garage to get the pruning shears, wave hello to Mrs. Barnes, your neighbor to the east, who wants to talk about the garage sale she is having this next weekend. That gives you a great idea...you will organize some things and add them to hers. The house needs cleaning anyway. Excuse yourself and head back to the house to start picking out items for sale.
THE HOUSE !!! Remember that you were on your way to the store for something, but you can't quite recall what. Was it groceries? No, it can't be. The refrigerator is so full, after all.
Shut off the water, pick up your purse, and get in the car, not sure where you are going or why. Head for the craft store just because it sounds like a fun place to be. While there, remember all those newspapers, and think what a good idea it would be to make scrapbooks of current events for the kids to read when they get older.

Buy three large scrapbooks, decorative papers, scissors which cut wavy lines, curly lines, and zig-zag lines. Don't forget multicolored special pens, acid-free glue and pre-cut shapes for interest. The total: $87.32. Head home to start the project.
On the way home, glance at the gas gauge and realize that it is on "E" and probably has been for some time. Put "fill up the car" on your mental list of things to do.
While waiting for the Automobile Club to come with a gas can, start to wonder where the day went and why you are so tired? And hungry. What is for dinner, anyway?

* N.B.: ADD = Attention Deficit Disorder

OK, all jokes aside now. ADD is a serious disorder, related to ADHD but with out the hyperactive component. It's characterised by an inability to focus for longer spans of time, impulsiveness and a propensity for mental overstimulation. ADD/ADHD symptoms are also identified as part of the larger autistic spectrum of disorders.

There are no cures, only workarounds. For those who have mild symptoms, a reasonable functioning in society can be expected. Those who with more, or more pronounced symptoms, many and varied forms of assistance and guidance may be needed.

Finding a useful diagnosis is difficult, since symptoms vary between individuals whilst similar clusters of behaviours can also be part of other disorders. Generally speaking ADHD occurs more frequently amongst males, ADD amongst females although the difference seems to narrow in adulthood.

Looking at ADD in a different way though shows that the disorder has many postive side effects, amongst others creativity, general friendliness and being more people oriented. Here's an ad hoc overview created during a meeting. Sometimes I wonder if ADD/ADHD isn't more a societal classification problem than that there's something really "wrong" with people. We're all different, with different capabilities and possibilities, and branding someone as deficient or deviant because he/she falls outside the generally accepted grid of norms and behaviours for reasons beyond anybody's control, is both hurtful for the individual and detrimental to society.

Look again, think again. Keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2012-01-18T19:27:00.000+01:00

Trusting yourself

2012-01-17T21:45:00.000+01:00

**************************************

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

**************************************
The road to achieving any goals you might set yourself may be a long and difficult one. Sometimes we raise the bar just a little too high for ourselves, stretching ourselves and our capacities to the limit in an attempt to gain the prize we seek. Quite often we succeed though, occasionally through sheer force of will or by putting in just that little bit of extra effort which you never thought you had in you before you started. It often happens to me that, at the end of a long and difficult race, that I'm still able to put in a sprint during the last several hundred metres, almost as if I'm tapping into a hidden and unknown reserve which my mind uncovers at just the right moment. When I'm totally motivated, it just happens.

We often don't trust ourselves enough to bring in the results we need or want. We know what we want to achieve, but doubts and reservations about the practicality or feasability of what we want to do get in our way. Partly to do with fear, fear of failing, fear of going out on a limb, fear of making an ass of oneself, partly also because we're worried how our environment reacts to the wild plans we're hatching. All too often there will be subtle reminders from others that we're not up to the challenge, gentle hints that we should just leave things alone and get on with what you've always been doing, or well articulated comments letting you know that what you're trying to do just isn't possible.

The little voices which feed our self-doubt drag us down, every day in every way. And whilst we can't do much about the niggly commenters (both inside or outside of our heads), we do have the ability to control how we react to them. Mostly, it's useful to remember why you've decided on this goal for yourself. What will it deliver for you, what do you think will be the ultimate benefit? Why is it so important for you, even though what you have planned for yourself might create personal difficulty or hardship? Write these down, keep them in mind because every time you falter, every time the nagging doubts appear you'll be able to remind yourself of where you're going and what you need to do.

In the past people have often passed comments on to us, convincing us of our inability to perform certain tasks or reinforce our perceptions of our lacking certain skills. And more often than not, we've taken these opinions to heart and set them in stone in our lives, resigning ourselves to the impossibility that we might be able to change at some time in the future.

WAKE UP! Live is all about change, so why can't you change also? What inhibits you and tries to stop you discovering your own potential? In the same way I can run a decent sprint after a 16km run, you also can access the hidden energies and possibilities in your own mind, and discover completely new aspects of yourself you'd never dreamed of in the past.

In my younger years I had enormous difficulty expressing myself in public. I found myself stammering and blocking up every time I faced even a small audience, and in the course of time and after numerous efforts, I totally gave up even trying. That was me, I couldn't do it and I resigned myself to the fact that speaking in public just wasn't the right thing for me. End of story. Until I discovered that I too had an important tale to tell, that I was able to use my own experience to help others, that I could share the methods and techniques I'd learned so that the people I connect with could benefit from my past difficulties. With some guidance, and a lot of encouragement, I worked at neutralising my fears, learned new skills and in time was able to run workshops and address symposia. I really needed to be convinced that what I wanted to do was possible, that the only person holding me back in the end was myself.

And so it goes. Every day, in every way, I'll be seeking out new challenges. Big ones, small ones, really tiny ones occasionally, but always throwing down the gauntlet for myself and daring myself to take on a task I had previously convinced myself I couldn't do. By all means, listen to other people and take their input on board, but don't let the flames of your smouldering self-doubt be fanned by what other people have to say. Evaluate what they share with you on it's own merits, find what's useful for you but don't let their comments or reactions be the driving force in your own life. If only because you need to respect your own autonomy and sense of self determination.

You are in charge now, you make the decisions, you know what's best for you. And even if you can't see where you're going, trust yourself for a good outcome. Even of you make incredible blunders occasionally, even if you things don't work out the way you'd wished at moments, you'll know that you've tried your best and can be motivated to continue moving forward in a different and improved way.

Try it, you'll like it, and trust me. Good luck and keep well...

The end of ambition

2012-01-16T22:04:00.000+01:00

I've been given to wondering about what the term "ambition" means. To me it feels like one of those fuzzy words that nobody really is able to define but which everybody seems to know something about. For my part I'm rather ambivalent about what ambition actually is and what it means in my life. Actually, I don't really care any more, I"m just doing the things I need to do in the ways which are good for me, and that's enough. But more about that later.

I've never been a particularly ambitious person in the traditional sense of the word. I've spent large parts my life half-heartedly chasing illusions and dreams, only to realise that what I thought I wanted from life just wasn't useful for me and that there was no value in pursuing ideals which were too far removed from my own realities in life. Even when I was young, I could see that the expectations of the society I grew up in were seriously flawed, somehow there was a large disconnect between what we thought we wanted and what we really needed. People being encouraged to chase socially defined ideals or values was pure nonsense in my view, there was no merit in trying to achieve goals I didn't believe in, in order to attain some kind of status or position in society which I had no real need of.

The society I grew up in expected a lot of me. Study hard, get a good job, settle down, climb the social ladder, live a comfortable life and make sure things worked out as easily and as quickly as possible. It was a mindset everybody seemed to believe in, if you did your best and you did it for long enough, you would make it to the top (of whatever) in the end. Nobody considered the possibility that the projected, socially acceptable goals might not be useful for everybody, that what might be good for one person might not be suitable for another. Quite aside from the fact that not everybody was able to compete on equal terms or had serious limitations which precluded even a perfunctory performance in the soap opera of life.

Probably one of the most valuable gifts we can give our children is the ability to think critically and make appropriate judgements for themselves, so they can chart their own course in life in their own ways and according to their own abilities. We would do well to show them that a lot of the "success" perceived in society is only sheen and bluff, here today and gone tomorrow, and that success is not measurable in bank accounts, material possessions or positions in the social hierarchy. If anything, a person is a success if he or she has used their abilities to the fullest, can contribute to society in his or her own unique way and is happy doing so.

That's all for today, my head hurts. Keep well...

The day after...

2012-01-15T22:45:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling somewhat drained today. After all the fuss and business of the competition yesterday, an emptiness has settled over me which I'm finding difficult to get rid of. Most things I want or need to do right now take a lot more effort to get started than I'm used to, and keeping up the momentum is a chore in itself.

Most of today has been taken up with sorting out the images made yesterday. In some ways it's part of the job that I dread most, just sitting down and having to make decisions about which images get to stay and which ones will be discarded. One by one the images pass by, some get rejected because they're technically not acceptable, others which aren't particularly flattering also get the chop. Others yet again which are just too bland or "more of the same" get discarded in the end, usually during the second selection round.

In the end, one of the most important criteria I use is whether a photo makes me feel happy or proud or justified. Happy for both myself and for the person portrayed, proud because I feel the photo is was made well but also because the gymnast concerned has done excellently in some way. I sometimes feel like it's an honour just to be able to capture that very essential moment which defines a good exercise, too often I'll just miss the crucial moment and end up with a so-so image, often enough though I'll catch it and with a little judicious cropping or post-editing I can make it just that little bit better.

Anyhow, here's a couple of images again today, the rest will follow in a few days. Enjoy!

Keep well...

Competition daze...

2012-01-14T23:45:00.000+01:00

I arrived back home an hour or so ago, after a long trip by train back in the dark of evening and after having to direct a couple of decidedly lost Spanish tourists back to their hotel in the south of Amsterdam, instead of our town about 40km north of our capital city. It's been a long, eventful and decidedly worthwhile day, I managed to capture a lot of beautiful moments which I'll be putting up on my website later in the week.

I've included a couple of images which I made today, which I find both curious and thought provoking in some ways. When I shoot sports events, I try to capture the action and the movement of the moment as securely as possible, attempting to capture a moment in eternity as effectively as possible.

Yet, looking back into the images, I see whole new stories arising, unwittingly performed by the athletes themselves. Eyes tell many and varied stories, body language betrays inhibitions, sadness and ambition. Every performer has his or her own tale, which is displayed in the movements of their bodies and the wheels.

The rest of the photos will follow in the course of the coming week, hopefully they will be ready by next Friday since I've got a new competition to shoot on Saturday. There's a lot of selecting and post-processing to be done, at best I'll select only 10-15% of all images shot and since I seem to have misjudged the colour composition of the available light I'll need to do some extra work to get that straightened out.

OK, time go get myself some sleep. Keep well...

UPDATE: the complete photo report can be found at
http://www.rhonrad.eu/20120114/index.html

Wheel Gymnastics Regional Championships

2012-01-13T17:12:00.000+01:00

The wheel gymnastics competition season begins again tomorrow. Once again I'll be travelling to various venues around the country to record the events and show the participants doing their very best in the qualification rounds for the National Championships in March. There are three regions here in Holland, this evening I'll be going to a town in the Eastern district for tomorrows match, next week I'll be fairly close to home for the Western district match and the week after that a long distance trip to the south of the country for the third and final competition.

I've been shooting these competitions for some five or six years now, first with a DSLR which wasn't really suited to indoor sports work but with which I made do for most of the time. The results were good but not terribly convincing in my view, even though the participants and family members were enthusiastic about the photos I'd produced. If anything, I just liked the idea of trying to capture the essence of a particularly aesthetic sport in images, learning about how I could translate my own perceptions of the sport into a form of art which everybody could enjoy.

The first competitions last year were held just after I'd bought a new and technically more advanced camera. It was a steep learning curve for me, a lot of new functions and possibilities needed to be tried out, there were issues of composition and positioning which, although I'd practiced fairly intensively during years past, needed refining and improving. January's competitions were difficult for me, I made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot more and in all I was quite happy with the results. Even though I look back now, after a year, and occasionally cringe at images which could have been shot or post-processed much more effectively, I know that it was a massive leap forward at the time and that since then I've been able to continue to learn in many and varied ways.

Tomorrow is going to be another chance for improvement for me. The competition is to be held in a hall in which I also shot the National Championships in 2007, so I'm interested in seeing what I'll be seeing when I compare the results with those of five years ago. All in all, a good moment to stop, look and reflect again. Tomorrow I'll be able to show a couple of preliminary images of the match, the rest will be published on my website within a week (hopefully).

Wish me luck, keep well...

Finding your own voice again

2012-01-12T21:20:00.000+01:00

People communicate, people want to be heard. People exist with so many words in their minds and so many circumstances in their lives, they want to share what they're doing and they like to see what other people are doing. We're all eager and inquisitive to know what's going on in other people's lives and in many ways like to share what's going on in ours.

For some reason though, many people come out blank and are unable to express themselves in the ways they would like to or need to. Many and varied reasons contribute to this blocking up, sometime's we're just too self-conscious, sometimes we don't believe in our own qualities, sometimes we don't really think that we've got anything in particular to say that anybody would really like to know. Isn't it strange, this "me down here and you up there" mentality, with which we all too often block ourselves off from the things we want to do before we even get started? Do you see a pattern emerging?

It's my belief that anybody can do most things, outside of the most practical limitations we all naturally have. Don't try flying or playing Harry Potter at platform 9¾, you'll end up hurting yourself and looking pretty silly at the same time. Nevertheless, there are a lot of things you CAN do, which you have never, ever realised or which you've already convinced yourself you wouldn't be able to do. We all seem to be living lives in which we seem to deliberately limit ourselves, or have been so convinced in the past that we couldn't do particular things that we end up continuing these beliefs even after the circumstances have become irrelevant. I wonder how many of us, when we were little, were told that we didn't have any talent for something, weren't pretty or weren't much good at sports, and continued to believe that for the rest of our lives because a figure we respected and trusted told us that so long, long ago.

All people are creative. The nature of life is creativity, all of us would love nothing more than to be able to express ourselves in ways which are unique to us and in ways which resonate in our environment. The good news is, you can. Believe me, you can. The other good news is, it will take a lot of hard work and a lot of belief in yourself, you will need to be brutally honest with yourself and you will need to be able to deal with frustration and hurt. Even if you see that the goal you are aiming for is still far too far away, every step you take in the direction of your goals will also take you one step closer to what you want to do. Trust yourself, and if you fall flat on your face get up and try again. And again. And again.

There are no losers in life besides those who have convinced themselves that they can't escape the trap they find themselves in, and who refuse to take on the challenge to pick themselves up and try again. We are all winners in our own ways and in our own time, we only need to find what works for us and what we need to accomplish the goals we set ourselves. Given enough practice and trust in your own capabilities, you can write a book, paint a picture, give a speech, make photos, direct a film. That they mightn't be stellar isn't the point, they're part of you, part of your expression and a picture of your place in your world. That's all that counts in the end, making your own voice heard in your own way.

Hope this helps. Now go out, find your voice and do what you need to do. Keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2012-01-11T20:11:00.000+01:00

Are you happy now?

2012-01-10T20:40:00.000+01:00

Just a short follow-up on what I wrote yesterday.
It's important to remember that YOU are in control, YOU make the choices.
YOU can choose to be happy, or leave things the way they are.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you have imagined.”
~ Henry David Thoreau ~

Wake up, this life is yours!

2012-01-09T11:42:00.000+01:00

No matter which way you want to look at them, the lives we lead are basically the result of choices made and events encountered at every moment of our existence. Good ones, bad ones, excruciatingly stupid ones at times, they all add up to create the patterns of daily life in which we live. Happy and fulfilling lives, sad and dreary ones, occasionally unfortunate ones in which we just plod on and on and on, pretending that everything's just OK, when it's not and you're silently screaming your lungs out in frustration.

Be honest with yourself for a moment. Are you trying to tackle life issues, which just aren't bringing in results in the ways you would like (or need)? Do you think that your capacities aren't being used in the most effective way? Do you feel like you're acting in some kind of strange, disconnected play and feel you've been given the wrong role for some reason? If you've answered yes to any of these, it's probably time for you to take a long and hard look at yourself and the ways your life is (or isn't) working out for you.

First of all, you'll need to be dreadfully honest with yourself. We all have these lovely, idealised ideas about ourselves which we value and promote, which are all too often based on a skewed sense of who we are. We amplify the positive bits and trumpet these as loudly as we can to all and sundry, we ignore the negative ones as much as possible, preferring they weren't there at all. We decide that practical personal limits aren't necessary for us and end up doing all kinds of dumb things, up to, including and even beyond self-destructive behaviours. Put them all aside, and dare yourself to see who you really are.

Take a look at yourself. What are your skills, what do you do best, who are you when you're able to be yourself and not responsible to the expectations of others? What are the most basic qualities you possess which you feel you can be proud of, which you feel may be of benefit to others in your environment? Is what you're doing right now enough to make you feel happy and fulfilled, leaving you with the feeling that you are making a positive difference in both your own life and the lives of others? Do you know makes you happy, or have you put those ideas aside, defering them for a fictitious future where everything will be better? Whatever you do, stop the wishful thinking and come back to earth.

Where are you now, where do you want to go, what do you need to get there? What's getting in your way, and why? Many questions indeed, which require much time and self-examination to answer. There are no easy answers, sometimes there are no answers directly forthcoming at all. Sometimes even the questions themselves seem incomprehensible. It's all OK, all that is really needed is the willingness and the ability to look back in to your life to see what's going on, what you would like to achieve and how you think you might be able to bring them about. Try something, anything. If it doesn't work, try something else, just be honest and open about what you're doing and move on.

Once again, there are no quick fixes or instant remedies, there can be flashes of insight and decades of necessary development, the most important attribute is to have the courage and the honesty to find what is holding you back from achieving the things you find important. In the end, the question I would like to put to you is: "How important do you find yourself, and what are you willing to do to fulfil your own potential?"

That's all there is. Nothing more, nothing less. The rest is added value with the occasional fluff. The most important thing is to love yourself, to find yourself important enough to see your own potential and act upon it effectively. Now go do it!

Keep well...

Disappointments, and beyond

2012-01-08T10:28:00.000+01:00

Today's the day I'd been looking forward to for a long time. I've been training long and hard, run more kilometres than I've ever done before in my life and have achieved excellent results during the last four months. After much preparation and lots of hard work, I was ready to run my first half marathon this weekend, which was going to be one of the greatest achievements of my recovery process, which started four years ago.

Even though everything went according to plan, even though everything seemed to fall into the right place at the right time, nature took over and left me a small reminder that, no matter what I want or think I need to do, I have little or no control over what happens in the end. Just after Christmas I ended up with a serious cold which evolved into a light lung infection. I spent most of the period around New Year with a fever, coughing up all kinds of foul stuff and feeling thoroughly miserable. At which point I realised that whatever my plans had been, there was absolutely no point in trying to run 21 kilometres unless I really wanted to harm myself.

I think disappointed would be mildly understating how I felt, when I made the decision not to compete any longer. My hopes and plans had ballooned to epic proportions in my mind, for me this race which had effectively been blown out of the water would be a new moment of validation and victory. No longer so, the decision hit hard for a short while before I managed to get myself and my perceptions back into perspective.

Life changes for all sorts of reasons, mostly those which are totally out of our control. The famous John Lennon quote goes:

"Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans"

which effectively sums up what's going on. No matter what I want, think or do, I can (and often will) be overtaken by the impartial and arbitrary machinations of nature. Nothing personal, it just happens in the natural scheme of things.

So I face the choice about what to do. Of course, I can make a huge fuss, feel sorry for myself, bemoan my fate to all who are willing to listen and generally wallow in self-pity. Which usually just ends up making myself feeling even worse and other people finding me a little tiresome after a while. Or I can accept the fact that I can't alter the situation as it is and try to embrace the acceptance of my predicament as fully as possible. I really can't do more and I realistically shouldn't expect less of myself either. If I can't improve an untenable situation, I shouldn't waste time, energy or resources trying to do so but instead try to find ways to move forward in a different direction but ultimately towards the same goal.

Moving on, as the disappointment fades away and I've taken the time to readjust and refine my goals for later in the year. I see that whatever happens, the only limits I really face are the ones I choose to accept. Even though there are some practical boundaries defined by my personal makeup, every situation which occurs brings with it a moment to stop, reflect, reassess and move forward in a redefined way. Moments of disappointment and frustration can be used to advantage to look in different directions than I'd initally hoped or planned to do. The choice is mine, do I wish to recreate my life at the moments things don't go the way I'd planned them to, or do I stay stuck in the moment, frantically trying and hoping to extricate myself from the situation I find myself in but not getting any further, and blaming the world around me for not indulging me in my wishes?

Shit happens, I clean up the crap, take stock of the situation and move on in a different way. That's all there is really. Do you have difficulty with disappointments or necessary changes of plans in life? Let me know, if you wish. Keep well...

Online Compulsive Disorder

2012-01-07T09:30:00.000+01:00

"The phenomenon that people become uneasy and restless when they are not online."

Think about it, how much of your life nowadays revolves around being on the internet in some way other? Waiting for the next status update from somebody you hardly know? Waiting for an email which you immediately pounce upon, as if it were the solution to something life-threatening? Perhaps waiting for a message from someone, just so you can be reminded that you exist and that you are at least important to somebody.

While many of us know not to open letters from banks or ex-partners’ lawyers when we arrive home tired after a hard day's work, it doesn't occur to us not to apply the same principle to e-mail or social media. When travelling, when trains or planes have arrived at their destinations, BlackBerrys and mobiles are fired up almost as fast as a cigarette and laptops open for a new shot of internet bliss. For some reason there's a kind of light panic involved in the possibility that an email, Twitter update or Facebook status might be missed or not reacted upon quickly enough, for whatever reason.

I like social media. I like social media... too much. I like social media so much that I try to refrain from using them whenever possible nowadays. They're quick, easy and so damned time-consuming, it's just not funny any more. At the moment, when I'm trying to do some serious writing or want to work out a photo project, one of the first things I need to do is close everything off which might possibly distract me. Facebook for starters, then Twitter, then email, followed by Yahoo Messenger and Skype. Finally I'm down to the bare bones, depending on what I'm doing I'll be thumping away on my word processor, Blogger or Lightroom.

It's extraordinary though, how little I actually do miss the fuss and noise of my social media after a while of concentrated activity though. When I'm writing or engaged in a new photo project, I usually work for three quarters of an hour straight and then give myself fifteen minutes break. Two things happen then, I can go get myself something to eat and drink or do a quick bit of housework, or I could get any or all Social Media back within reach in the shortest time possible. It's usually the first, but from experience I've noticed that the temptation, the subtle attraction, to sink back into the Facebook trap or satisfy the desperate need to read all the latest Twitter updates, can be overwhelming at moments. Which nowadays usually means that my Social Media (SM) curfew lasts longer than I'd occasionally prefer.

Experience shows that my fifteen minutes break could balloon out into a thirty, forty or sixty minute variation, depending what's going on and what's most "important" for me at that moment. After that, the remorse follows about time frittered away and the total lack of result in the intervening time, in the same way an addict will berate him-/herself and make (almost unkeepable) promises not to do it again.

For many people social media has become a form of validation, to shout out something, anything, to anybody who might be willing to listen. For some it's a way of escaping the loneliness of a perceived empty life, for others a way of bolstering damaged self-esteem, for others again a form of distraction so that lingering and fundamental issues in life can be avoided or deflected. Social media, as with any tool or activity, are extremely useful in moderation but aren't an end in themselves. They are tools for connection to an outside world which has become too large to easily embrace, which in effect perpetuates and exacerbates the isolation one might find oneself in.

Humans exist in social groups, which seem to function best in reasonably closed, direct settings. The further out the connection, the less direct importance it will have on your daily doings. To my mind, time is better spent maintaining the links to members of the immediate community, to achieve common goals which directly affect them all. Perhaps this is the old anarchist in me playing up again, I see little value in a social consciousness which is stretched out beyond the local setting, into a provincial, national or global realm which ultimately is of little relevance to us on an immediate basis.

This subject isn't closed for me by any means. Just the fact that I'm blogging this is a slight contradiction in what I'm saying, so let's just say the topic is still a work in progress. Would you like to share with me how your online life intersects with your daily life, and the pitfalls/pleasures it brings with it?

Enjoy your day, make it a worthwhile one. Keep well...

Fractals on Friday

2012-01-06T21:48:00.000+01:00

Today I'm going on a journey, down into one of the Phoenix variations of a Mandelbrot set. The name hardly says anything for me, besides my knowing that it also belonged to a mythological bird which once every lifetime would self-immolate and then rise from its ashes, reborn and ready to live through a new incarnation.

And so it goes with fractals. Each time a new part of the image is explored, each time a new filter is applied, the image recreates itself, becomes something new and exciting. In theory there are no limits, although the increased rendering times and processor power tend to discourage complex searches and altogether huge magnifications.

Even though fractals are self-replicating images, gradual changes occur in various parts of the images, which eventually affects how the magnifications will evolve. All five images in this post have been created from the same base image, and all I've really done is to magnify and select useful areas of the image which for me have an aesthetic appeal.

The selection process is important for me. It offers me a way to stop, think and rethink objectives and needs. Depending upon my mood, I'll select some images and reject others. When I'm quiet and reflective, I tend to attract darker and more soothing colours, at other times when I'm in a bit of a manic mood I'll prefer wild colour combinations and exuberant forms.

Sometimes it works the other way around though. At moments, when I need a kick in the pants, to go and actually do something, or get myself out of a slump, I'll work on a fractal theme which contains a lot of energy and motion, delivering me the energy I need to get moving and stay alert. Conversely, when I'm feeling over-stimulated or risk moving from a manic to a psychotic state, the quieter and deeper images tend to soothe my overburdened senses and bring me back to earth.

Creating fractals is a sometimes difficult and longwinded journey through my mind, demanding of me my full attention and a lot of (mental) energy. A totally worthwhile excursion though, offering me a moment to focus and reassess life issues along the way. Time well spent, methinks.

Keep well...

The continuing story...

2012-01-05T20:24:00.000+01:00

This is a repost of something I wrote a couple of years ago. The issues remain relevant, the message once again timely.

Learning to be honest with myself has probably become the greatest challenge of my life. In too many ways I've been trying to become somebody I could never be, mirroring myself on perceptions and images of others, trying to graft parts of other peoples lives on to my own.

It didn't work, but it took me a hell of a long time to realise that it never would. Never before in my life had I realised that I could be perfectly comfortable with just being myself, on my own terms and with my own comportment. I had allowed myself to be fooled that I wasn't good enough in any of a million ways, the only thing I'd never understood was that nobody was as good as being me as I could do myself.

Society requires, to an extent justifiably, that we conform to certain rules and expectations so that the social group can function effectively. It's only when social pressure requires that we start questioning our own worth, the validity of our own input and the need to express individuality that the situation becomes creepy. We are bombarded by images and concepts which depict desireable states of living, with the implicit message that if you don't conform you are less acceptable or destined to be misunderstood and sidelined as a result. It's a strong person who wants to be visibly different in a group surroundings, so most of us follow meekly and do as we're told. More fool me, at any rate.

Day by day I'm unravelling the strands of my past and weaving the fabric of a new life for myself and feeling a lot happier in the process. I've learned that the basic me is worthy on all counts, that while there is room for much improvement I can build a future based on my own needs and desires, not those dictated to me by my surroundings. Recognising myself as unique and valid in all ways, whilst remaining open and engaged with those surrounding me, has become the way forward, not blindly accepting social givens at face value.

Obstacles are thrown up time and time again, yet each obstacle is a way to grow and learn about myself and my reactions anew. I often frighten myself occasionally by recognising that I'm much less than perfect than I would have liked in a particular situation, but also realise that I also have the opportunity to do something about it in my own way. I've stopped hiding from myself, and it's the recognition that I don't need do so that allows me to move onward to a better and brighter future. Better late than never, I might say.

Keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2012-01-04T10:24:00.000+01:00

Taking charge and letting go

2012-01-03T17:48:00.000+01:00

It's been a day of wild weather here, with furious gusts of wind which whipped up waves on the lake in a way I've seldom seen. After several days of relative calm, and even a day which was more reminiscent of spring than mid-winter, nature took the opportunity to make sure we didn't forget who was really in charge here.

Now, as the wind dies down temporarily and the skies open up to highlight a bleary January afternoon, I'm reminded of the predictions made a number of months ago of the "horror winter" we would be treated to, and how we should be taking any and every precaution not to be caught unawares by heavy snow, ice, sleet or whatever. Panicky predictions and induced apprehensions seemed to have spread across the country, overruling any sense of reality or plausibility at moments. Occasionally it seemed as if the general population would just swallow whatever was being told via the media, irrespective of the lack of background information in the reports made.

I'm tempted to draw a parallel with the Mexican Flu "pandemic" in recent years, reports of which were whipped up into a media frenzy until the whole world seemed to be trembling on its feet in the face of an impending disaster. Very few people questioned the veracity of the reports, alarmist chatter spread the patently nonsensical notions of the end of life as we know it, and when nothing particularly dramatic happened the matter was discreetly dropped after, apparently, the pharmaceutical companies had filled their pockets with public sector money paid by a government driven to distraction by the prophecies of doom. (This totally aside from the discussion how government policy is infuenced by corporate lobbying, once again a story for another time).

I wonder if it wouldn't be more useful to just take things as they come, to handle issues as they arise and not allow yourself to be led into a state of low-level and continual panic about what MIGHT happen. Why is it so difficult to just use some common sense and available knowledge to guide your own decision making, instead of relying on external revelations which will be incomplete at best and at worst potentially malicious and manipulative to suit other agendas. In the 1950's and 1960's, for example, populations terrified by the possibilities of a Cold War initiated nuclear armageddon were gently persuaded into building personal bunkers and bomb shelters whilst their governments knew perfectly well that the chances of such an event happening were minimal, if not non-existant and that if an atomic war were to take place the ensuing radiation levels would be so high that large parts of the world would be uninhabitable for centuries to come. One wonders at times what the difference is between selective and falsified input.

Once again it's time to realise that, beyond taking the normal precautions and the application of reasonable common sense, we have little control over what happens in the world around us. Nature does what it likes, irrespective of our needs and wishes, shit happens and we are not impervious to the consequences. If you start worrying about possible negative futures, you are probably also able to invent any number of afflictions which may (or may not) happen and worry yourself senseless about those. A fitting quote by the author Mark Twain, goes:

“I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

which seems to summarise the whole mindset rather well methinks.

As far as I'm concerned, I'd probably subscribe to the attitude of:

“We all live with and cannot escape from uncertainties, difficulties, illness, aging, death, and an inability to fully control life events.”

which doesn't mean we should just sink into fatalism about whatever happens to us, but that we should just use our own abilities to understand what is realistic and possible under the circumstances, and act accordingly. You can't do anything more and you shouldn't do anything less.

Keep well...

Mapping the territory

2012-01-02T13:22:00.000+01:00

So here we are. New Years Day has passed, with a flash and a bang and a realisation that things are not going to be the way they were. I'm in the middle of making some serious decisions, pointing myself in the direction I've mapped out for myself for the coming period and making an inventory of what's needed to get me to where I want to go.

In the past I've been tempted to make New Years resolutions, occasionally I've even taken some on board only to notice that the enthusiasm and drive seemed to fizzle out after a short and frantic flurry of activity. For whatever reasons, I just couldn't keep myself on track to get the results I needed and usually ended up feeling somewhat deflated and sad. One of the work arounds was not to tell anybody what I was doing, which partly mitigated the foolishness I was feeling, on the other hand I knew this was a cop-out and that there were totally different reasons why my efforts had failed.

The problem seems to be that I wanted to develop a new habit almost instantly, to get things done straight away. Impatiently sowing seeds for the future and expecting to see trees bearing fruit within days. It doesn't work, just as impulsive actions leave few results of lasting value. Wat is needed is constant attention, dedication and maintained motivation, tending the garden with care and allowing that which needs to grow to do so in its own way and time.

Life changes, new things happen and old things need to be discarded. That's the way it works, so whilst working towards goals, many detours are made and sidetracks taken, new insights played around with and alternative approaches studied. Often the most rewarding journeys are the ones in which I take the time to view the scenery and not just rush from A to B to get things done. I find that by being intuitive, accepting the reality that many side issues will take place and will continue to distract me, I can learn a lot more than if I just race down the expressway of life with blinkers on.

Patience is a wonderful quality, patience with myself and with the world around me. Patience is the way in which I offer respect to the way things need to be done, without projecting my own needs or wishes on to my surroundings. The world cannot and will not be bent to my will, no matter how hard I try, and for my part I've realised that the sooner I settle down and accept my own role in the overall scheme of things, the more peaceful life will become for myself.

Have a great day, enjoy what you're doing. Keep well...

The Janus Month

2012-01-01T08:08:00.000+01:00

And so we stand at the beginning of a new year. Who knows what the coming months will bring with them, who has even the remotest idea of what we'll encounter in this next phase of our lives. Even though New Year is a dreadfully arbitrary point in time, it holds a particular grip on us, asking us to reflect on the year past and look forward and make plans for the year ahead.

Nobody seems to be very much concerned with what's going on at the present moment or taking the time to examine the situation in which we find ourselves at this particular point our existence. Not that it's any real form of denial, but for some reason our society seems hell bent on refusing to acknowledge the present realities and instead obsess about past events and failures, whilst extrapolating these into a ficitious future which has every chance of mutating into anything but what was expected at any given moment. And all that whilst not realising that what was important was happening now, in front of you, within your own field of experience.

I was alone again last night, partly by choice, partly also by circumstance since I've been seriously ill for several days now. It was a good moment to just stop, think and reflect on the issues I'm dealing with, assessing what I've done during the last 12 months and how my plans made last year have developed, whilst drawing up a broad strategy of what to do in the coming months and years.

Last year brought a number of brilliant successes with it. I've developed new skills, made some wise investments and some reasonably clever decisions. There have also been abysmally dark moments of sadness, depression and extreme physical tension, whilst I also managed to shed some more of my own historical burdens which have been dragging me down. All things told, one of my greatest achievements was just to rely on my intuition, follow my heart and move in the direction that varied and evolving situations required.

Looking back, I've learned some important things about myself, about my possibilities and my limitations and about what is realistic at any given moment but inapplicable at others. That even though I can't really have any idea of what lies beyond the fogginess of the present moment, I can still achieve wonderful results by maintaining the hope for a better future and simply believing in my own possibilities and my personal potential.

2012 is going to be an amazing year, in many ways the metamorphosis which started almost four years ago will enter a new phase. One in which I'm convinced will be of great benefit for myself and the people I care about. I just hope that the people I care about will be able to understand what I'm doing and where I'm trying to go.

But that's a story for another time. Keep well...

A timely reminder

2011-12-31T10:30:00.000+01:00

I read this recently...

Don't push people to like you, you're not a Facebook status.

...which got me thinking again about how much we often do to make sure that people like us or need us. It fills a place in our lives which has to do with our feelings of self worth, along the lines of "If he/she finds me OK, then I must be". A form of self-validation to ease the constant insecurities of our daily lives.

Part of becoming assertive is learning to be happy with yourself, with or without the input or approval of others. Although, as usual, you'll need to be aware of social conventions and niceties in your daily doings, these should not stand in the way of your just being yourself and acting in your own best interests. Nobody else is living your life, YOU are!

So get out there and do it. Keep well...

Fractals on Friday

2011-12-30T09:40:00.000+01:00

I'd like to share an interesting introduction to fractals with you, narrated by author Arthur C. Clarke. This video is apparently the first of a series of six, I'll try to find the others as soon as possible.

Keep well...

Railway reflections

2011-12-29T10:00:00.000+01:00

As I type this I'm sitting in a train on my way to the south of the country. Not a particularly long journey, by any means, but one which offers me enough time to slow down, pull my thoughts together and reflect for a while. I think that we all need a small time-out occasionally, time to regroup and centre in some way. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, so much happens in which we end up getting involved, that we forget ourselves, the things we need and the ways we feel.

Worst of all, we often even forget to acknowledge the signals our bodies are giving us at particular moments, the signals that everything is NOT alright or that we're doing stuff in a way that is counterproductive to our wellbeing. If we listen carefully, our bodies tell us all kinds of things, our minds react to all sorts of triggers which elicit actions and reactions in our emotions and bodies.

It's good just to be able to step back, to reflect and observe the situation I'm in at any given moment. We all need to be able to see what we are doing and where we are going, most important of all it's necessary to be able to understand why we do certain things and not others. Too often learned and programmed behaviours are accepted as the norm, even though they deliver negative results in our lives. Learning to see what we're doing, why and how much influence we have over the course of things is one of the most essential tools we have at our disposal. Learning to become autonomous, making our own decisions in ways which benefit ourselves as well as other people, and becoming assertive in matters of daily life, are the tools for a productive and fulfilling existence.

The key to creating a full life is having the knowledge that you're in control of your own life and are able to have influence on the decisions which are going to affect you. You're not always going to have it your own way, that's not possible in a society in which people need to work together, but if you have the knowledge that you've done your best to protect your own best interests or have worked out an acceptable compromise, the basis is laid for a happy life. In the end, all that is necessary is the insight and the tools to transcend the endless power struggles which take place in society, so that you can take your own rightful place in the scheme of things.

Have a great day and take care of yourself. Keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2011-12-28T13:00:00.000+01:00

Unlearning habits

2011-12-27T12:09:00.000+01:00

Breaking a habit can be a hellishly difficult task, in almost the same way that learning one caused enough troubles of its own. There are moments I almost despair that I just get things wrong, breaking down when I thought I'd gotten my issues more or less sorted out. In the same way that learning habits takes a lot of time, effort and concentration, unlearning them takes even more. When trying to take on new behaviour or modify old ones, repetition and focus need to applied to ingrain a particular result. Some people learn quickly, others need more time to let a habit grow, others yet again seem to flounder and encounter all sorts of problems trying to get their lives into order.

Getting rid of old habits is even more difficult. A habit is usually formed to fulfil some kind of need or as a reaction to some issue from the past, so unlearning it means that the needs and issues involved also need to be either dismantled or neutralised in some way. The down side of this is that the old behaviours involved are often deeply ingrained and perhaps even unconscious ones, which need to be brought out into the daylight and reassessed. Easier said than done.

Addictions are behaviors which are designed to neutralise, numb down or ignore painful or threatening matters in life. Too much alcohol, too much TV, compulsive sex, working too long, endlessly rehashing past experiences or shopping until you drop, all are ways of not having to deal with the relevance of the present moment, which can be painful at moments and downright terrifying at others. Many people with severe addictive behaviours are often confronted with traumas of varying shapes and sizes, feelings of low esteem, psychological and psychiatric disabilities or an inability to find a meaningful place for themselves in a world they have difficulty understanding.

All of us have addictive tendancies, many of us already have fully fledged addictions we are unable or unwilling to deal with. Probably the most useful tool one has at one's disposal is to be totally, brutally honest with oneself, questioning why you'd spend so much time, money or effort with a particular behaviour and wondering what it delivers in the longer term. Often it's almost impossible to see what's going on on your own, the blinkers of subjectivity effectively blind one from being able to act decisively.

One of the keys to breaking bad habits and addictions is remembering that other people can help too. Not by tackling the fundamental issues, that's something you need to do for yourself, but by offering a safety net or a support system in which you can feel safe and be able to work on the matters at hand. As the saying goes, "you're on your own, but you can't do it on your own", quite applicable under the circumstances. Don't be afraid to ask for help, the only losers are the ones who choose to suffer in silence, refusing and unwilling to examine themselves or accept the help of others.

Hope this helps, take care and keep well...

On the Last Day of Christmas...

2011-12-26T22:50:00.000+01:00

Christmas 2011 is more or less over, leaving behind it a vague emptiness now the feeding frenzy has died down. I feel a little sad in some ways, because even though I have deliberately kept myself aside from all the Christmas related nonsense I still see how superficial and how hollow these days have become.

In hindsight, it's something I've been working towards for several years now. I've been becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the social perceptions of Christmas in Western Society, if anything it's digressed seriously from a moment of reflection to a rather disturbing "all about me" free-for-all where no stone is left unturned to prove to others how much you love them by showing that no expense be spared in doing so.

More and more I've sensed that I need to look inwardly, to see how I function in a society and world to be able to understand the real message of Christmas, to try to live beyond the artificial constraints of social acceptability and economic expediency. I understand the message of Jesus, yet the present tradition has little to do with a child which was probably born at any time other than in the middle of winter and pushes a distorted and convoluted message which in essence is dead simple, if you only have the wit and the openness to look and listen.

People matter, not purchases. Instead of elaborate meals and contrived pleasantness, try listening to each other with an open heart. The world can become a better place if you dare to let yourself break free.

Keep well...

Fractals at Christmas

2011-12-25T09:32:00.001+01:00

One of the best fractal animations which I have come across, which shows how deep and absolutely complex the fractal universe can be.

Enjoy your Christmas, make it a good one for yourself and for the important people in your life.

Keep well...

Santa Claus is comin' to Town

2011-12-24T09:38:00.000+01:00

----------------------------------

This is a rerun of something I cobbled together a couple of years ago.
Hope you like it, Merry Christmas to you all...

----------------------------------

You’d better watch out
You’d better not cry
You’d better not pout
I’m telling you why

Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town

He’s making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice

Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

Oh, you’d better watch out
You’d better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why

Oh! santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town

Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town

Little tin horns
And little toy drums
Rooty-toot-toot
And rump-a-tum-tum
Curly-haired dolls
That tootle and coo
Elephants, boats and kiddie cars too

Oh! santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town

One more time now..

Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town
Santa claus is comin’ to town

Keep well...

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged

2011-12-24T08:03:00.001+01:00

SCHIZOPHRENIA
Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISTIC
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

PARANOID
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you Why.

DEPRESSION
Silent Anedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock............(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

Fractals on Friday

2011-12-23T21:22:00.003+01:00

Today I went on a long excursion through one particular Mandelbrot set. Lots of different magnifications and sections were taken, with some experimenting with colour schemes.

Keep well...

Individuals and society

2011-12-22T21:46:00.000+01:00

Probably one of the biggest traps in previous parts of my life is worrying about what other people might think of me. Sounds silly in some ways, but but have you ever stopped to think about how much of our lives is influenced by the way we want people to see us. How much of what we say is based more on social acceptability than expressing whatever it is we would like to say, how often do we find ourselves doing things we would prefer not to do, pushing aside the things that really matter to us?

Social cohesion is mainly based upon consensus and mutual cooperation. Which means that nobody gets to do his/her own thing all of the time and ignore the wishes of others. Part of being an effective member of a social group is occasionally tempering one's own wishes and trying to dove-tail these into the necessities of a social existance. Anybody who does whatever he/she likes is usually very quickly sidelined in daily life, because if people can't count on you, you run the risk of being ostricised and ignored at a certain point. A society doesn't have much use for totally selfish people, at some point there needs to be some point of meaningful contact between its members from which all stand to gain.

On the other hand though, trying to become as acceptable as possible in a social setting by ignoring your own wishes, and pandering to popular interest whilst putting your own needs aside, leaves you feeling used and abused, and wondering what the hell is going on. It's a set-up for feeling totally miserable, given enough time. Nobody wins, you feel frustrated and compromised, and others view you as a pushover and a wimp because they know that you will never, ever say "No". Once again, even though conservative forces in society demand otherwise, the push towards total conformity with too many people saying and doing the same thing out of fear of what others might think, is a recipe for disaster since any forms of originality,creativity or renewal are pushed aside as irrelevant, undesireable or unnecessary.

One of the things I fear is not being taught enough in schools, and in society in general, is that assertivity and self-promotion is important and very necessary for a sense of self worth. We live in a society of consumerist individualism, where everybody seems to be following each other in fashions, trends and memes, where real individuals who assertively promote their own points of view are few and far between. Such individuals are initially viewed with suspicion, even hostility occasionally and kept at a safe distance until the merits/demerits of their standpoints have been assessed. Nevertheless, they serve an important function in the development and progress in society, questioning old values and defining new ones, pushing accepted boundaries to the limit and redefining modes of social interaction.

A society that can not or will not change will eventually die, stagnating in a gray cloud of sad mediocrity where innovation is stifled, creativity frowned upon and benefiting only those running the show. In contrast, a society which is in a state of extreme flux and revolution runs a great risk of falling apart since the social "glue" which keeps them together is dissolving at a faster rate than the population can deal with effectively, leaving the way open for opportunists and profiteurs to take advantage of the disrupted social situation. People are needed who can, at the same time, generate enough energy and insight to provide new insights to social existence and at the same time create enough confidence in a social setting to provide a stable framework in which to live.

Standing up for your own views in a clear, concise and articulate fashion forms one of the bases of a worthwhile and meaningful existence. Knowing what you want, expressing what you need, being realistic and not immediately accepting the inevitable conservative reactions is of vital importance for growth, not only in a personal sense but also in a way of benefit to society in general. No matter what happens, you are exquisitely important as an individual. You are not just part of a collective group, you have your own unique talents and possibilities and have the right to use these in whatever ways you find necessary to improve the society you live in. The world is yours, take it and make it an even better one.

Keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2011-12-21T16:29:00.000+01:00

An opening of doors

2011-12-20T17:05:00.000+01:00

One of the things I do every morning is write. I write and I write and I write, a kind of free flow, stream of consciousness writing which is at times incoherent, inherently chaotic and at moments intensely liberating. In the meantime it's become part of my morning ritual, just sitting down and writing at least an A4 full of whatever bubbles up at that moment.

In the several months I've been doing this (I started at the beginning of September) I've noticed a shift in emphasis and necessity in what I've been doing. I started out very unsure of myself, not really able to crystallise out what I was going to do and feeling very awkward at first. In some ways it was confronting, just sitting down at the computer, saying to myself "I will just type and type whatever comes to mind" because it's something I had never done before. I had no idea of what I could expect, or if I should even expect something at all.

And so I got started. The first days were difficult, mostly a rehashing of the daily events and sometimes just a small capitulation, when I just wrote that I was totally unable to write and tried to identify what was going on. In some ways it was rather frustrating, since what I wanted and what I felt I needed seemed totally beyond my grasp at the time, and at certain moments I was considering stopping the whole adventure altogether.

At a certain point I noticed small openings starting to appear. Lots of little moments of insight, which seemed to slip into my mind but which also slipped away just as easily, were beginning to make themselves seen. Tiny moments of encouragement, noticed and noted in my writing but not studied in any way because they were still too ephemeral and otherworldly for some reason. Nevertheless, they still kept on coming back in the same way you'd almost hear music being played far away on a summer evening, sometimes fading when the breeze picked up and becoming audible again when the rustling of the leaves and grass had died down.

Now, more than three months further, I'm becoming more and more aware of the stirrings in the occluded parts of my mind. I have the feeling now that, by just forcing myself to write whatever comes up in my mind, I am beating down a lot of the barriers which have prevented me from expressing myself more fully than I wished, built up in previous parts of my history. At moments words come of their own accord, unsought and occasionally inopportunely, requiring me to do some serious reflection upon the issues involved. It's not easy and sometimes definitely no fun, but the words I entrust to my computer each morning have a particular cathartic function which helps even out some of the bumps and constrictions in daily life.

And so it goes, the experiment continues, day by day, word by word, insight by insight. The first steps have been set, the long journey to whatever is to appear on my path has been set in motion in an almost forceful manner. The barriers are coming down and I'm intensely curious as to what the coming year is going to bring with it. I'm hopeful and optimistic, much depends upon my own perseverence and perspicacity but I know that whatever happens, everything happens for a reason which I need to learn from.

Carpe diem, keep well...

Parenting is not childs play

2011-12-19T10:20:00.000+01:00

One thing I need to remember, my children are not my own, in the sense that I "possess" them. If anything, children are a gift, we have the opportunity to look after them for the time that they aren't able to do so themselves, but in time and given the appropriate resources, we work towards their gaining independance and living their own lives on their own terms.

It's not always easy as a parent to distance oneself from the urge to control. Often it's easier just to say how things are done and expect them to continue to be done in that way, instead of including the child in the discussion and getting to know what works best for him or her. I think this is the sticking point for a lot of parents, who are often desperately insecure in their own ways. Not really knowing what to do or not trusting emotional or alternative insights, a parent often clings to hard and fast rules, given knowledge and an authoritarian life style which is more based on the needs of the parent than of the child.

In many ways we deny the right of a child to develop in its own way. We lumber it with our own expectations, demand that they unquestioningly stick to "the rules" (whatever they might be) and make it perfectly clear that we don't appreciate their thinking outside of any boxes we cherish. I remember all too well my own frictions with my parents with all sorts of issues, although those which mainly stick out are those which had to do with religious upbringing. I could not, for the life of me, get it through to my parents that watever worked for them just wasn't working for me. Intuitively I'd long realised that I simply couldn't fit into the system in which they'd found their own place and however much they would want to share this with me, occasionally in a somewhat heavy handed manner, it had about 0% relevance in my life at that time.

Other issues were constantly being played out, but in hindsight I recognise the good intentions and well meaning attempts to get my scruffy little butt into line with what society expected of me. Unfortunately, perhaps because I was a little bit too forward for my age, I realised that a society was something we created on a communal basis, from the bottom up and not the other way around. There were, and are, no hard and fast rules because the conditions in which we live in are constantly changing, requiring different modes of conduct to solve different problems. I suspect that this is where part of the "generation gap" problem comes from, that the older people in society assume that the world is required to remain the same as the one they grew up in, the one in which they felt safe and the one which they feel obliged to guard in any ways possible. Any new input from the young upstarts are viewed with suspicion at best and often with outright hostility.

Been there, done that. I'm now at the stage in which I try to see how I can accommodate the needs and wishes of my own children in the framework of the life I've built up for myself. I've more or less shed the trappings of a sedate and pedestrian existence, living life on the (constantly changing) terms I identify as useful and encouraging my children to do so also. In some ways they are still stuck in the quiet complacency of old world expectations, all I can realistically do is to show them that there are alternatives, that they can create and work towards goals of their own choosing in the ways that suit them best. It's not only their right that a parent should do this, it's also one of the duties of a parent to look to the most basic needs of a child, to let it feel safe and guide it but also give it enough room to develop in the way that it feels is right.

Which doesn't take away the fact that a child can fall flat on its face occasionally. All people do at one time or another, the most important thing to realise is that what you do afterwards is more important than having failed at any given moment. Failures are an essential part of life, if things go smoothely then nothing really substantial gets learned. Of course, as parents, we need to make sure that any hint of immediate danger is taken away, that no situations occur where a child could be harmed. So we teach about fire and hot stuff, make sure the most poisonous stuff in house is beyond reach, take measures that nobody gets hurt with furniture or utensils and try to identify the challenges a child encounters which are still just beyond its grasp at its age. In the end though, we need to let go. It's not useful to not let the children cook, for example, because they might burn themselves, even though they might be teenagers with a loud mouth. At that point it's time to let go and let them make their own mistakes.

And they will, and sometimes spectacularly so. Like their parents before them, horrible choices will be made, stupid decisions will be upheld and moments of indescretion will be rued long after the facts have been forgotten. We all live, we all make mistakes, we all learn. Giving ourselves space to make mistakes, learning from our lessons and moving on, that's what life is about and that's what we should be teaching our children. Not binding them to the hard and fast rules of a society which existed in the past, the needs and issues of which have become irrelevant in the meantime. Time moves on, people change and children need to be guided but not smothered, in their quest to gain adulthood.

So, I've gotten that out, hopefully in a coherent way. Time to get myself going and make some new mistakes today. Keep well...

Blasts from the past

2011-12-18T21:47:00.000+01:00

I'm still amazed at how much of my behaviour is determined by my unconscious belief systems. I've been taking the time recently to stop and look at the things I'm doing and ask myself why I'm doing them. This is much easier said than done, since so many of my mannerisms and habits are so ingrained in my daily doings that I'm not even aware of them.

I had a couple of experiences during the last few days which really brought a couple of issues to the foreground. I'm not going into any specifics here, but suddenly a couple of occurrences suddenly came together and brought with them a kind of "Aha" moment, in which I suddenly understood were a couple of my triggers were to be found.

Recovering from addiction brings with it the need to look carefully, quietly and attentively to the ways I react to moments and situations in life. Quite often seemingly unimportant stimuli spark off reactions in the body and mind, letting emotions desires and loose which I thought had been effectively tamed. Sometimes they quietly lurk in the background, sometimes they totally take you by surprise when a moment of stress occurs.

For me, one particular difficulty is the processing of images and impulses I receive in the course of a day. In a way it's a defect in my personal defence mechanism in that I can't filter the overload effectively occasionally. At the moment itself there isn't really any problem, as long as I can keep concentrating on whatever it is I'm doing. The crucial moment comes when it's time to relax and wind down after the pressure has been taken off, it's then that all kinds of stuff from my past starts to play up and make life difficult for me.

The main part of any "solution" is identifying where the triggers lie and how they originated in relationship to other moments in my past. In some ways growing up is a process of unlearning a lot of habitual behaviour which has become irrelevant in the meantime. Ways of coping in the past, ways of acting in any given situation, will change with age and maturity. Life becomes a constant process of evaluating, re-evaluating and discarding the less useful in favour of the new and the necessary. An open mind, an ability for self-reflection and a willingness to move out of the comfort zone can help. Believe me.

Keep well..

The Rein Bloem Cup

2011-12-17T22:26:00.000+01:00

I've been off photographing a wheel gymnastics competition today. A friendly match, organised in honour of the man who introduced and popularised the sport in the Netherlands, who died earlier this year. Here's a couple of images, the full report will follow in the course of the coming week.

Fractals on Friday

2011-12-16T22:18:00.000+01:00

(N.B.: please click on the images for an enlargement)

It's been one of those days when I can't seem to find any specific focus, more so than usual. They seem to be happening more and more often recently, now my life is moving towards a state of free flow instead of the cramped compulsiveness I've lived in in the past. Not that things aren't getting done but for some reason there's nothing I can really set my mind to and get done in the time available. I'll often just pick up on the issues I feel need attention at that moment and leave them when I feel I'm putting in more energy then necessary to produce an acceptable result.

In some ways I'm living a more intuitively now than I have been doing in the past. When I say intuitively, I mean that I don't really start with any fixed plan of getting things done, just a short list of daily stuff needing doing and some longer term goals which are always floating around at the back of my mind. From experience, a life without goals or issues to work towards is empty and sad, just drifting along from day to day and taking in all the crap along the way.

I started off this year with a "Goal Book", an outline of things I would like to achieve in the course of the year and my ideas of how I was going to achieve them. For some time during the first couple of months I was fussing and obsessing about my goals, how I was going to achieve them, what I needed to do or get doing. Too much detail was bogging me down and at certain points I lost my view of my ideals, which made my progress even harder. It was boring, no fun and I was continually annoyed because I wasn't getting the things done I thought I needed to get done.

Life doesn't work in a logical way, it takes unexpected twists and turns and occasionally leaves you high and dry, along with your dried up expectations. Plans are necessary to achieve what you need but at the same time over-attention to detail and the wish to control everything that happens can often turn your efforts around in the opposite direction. Too much energy gets wasted in trying to control the process, whilst the process itself is ultimately irrelevant. It doesn't matter which path you take to reach the top of the mountain, as long as you get there.

Day by day, step by step, activity by activity, the goals come closer and closer. It doesn't matter how much or how little you do, as long as the activity continues and the time is taken to enjoy the trip. Quite often it seems as if a goal is just a point of fixation so that we can run up all kinds of experiences along the way. Some goals get mixed up with each other, some fade away or take on new forms, depending on the moment and circumstance. Others get forgotten for a short while and suddenly erupt in a fury of activity which often produces spectacular results.

The trick is just to take one day at a time, to take one activity at a time and understand the neccessity and the relevance of doing so at any given moment. Sometimes, when I am writing or creating, I can leave my activity for an hour, a day or sometimes weeks, and return with new insights, energy and motivation when all the constituent parts have come together in my subconscious, creative mind.

Non-linear problem solving and project management, way to go. Keep well...

Tides and times

2011-12-15T17:16:00.000+01:00

The world around us is changing, old values are being questioned and challenged, entrenched attitudes are being reexamined for their usefulness in a world which bears little resemblance to that in which we grew up.

The tides of change are irresistible, no matter how much we protest, no matter how much power we would assume to turn the world to our bidding, like King Canute we must realise that the courses of history are beyond our control, absolutely.

We are the products and nature is our creator, but in our arrogance we humans feel we could, indeed should, exercise an authority over the world to suit our own needs. Our insatiable appetite for goods and services, extracted forcefully from the environment to which we owe our existence, is both short sighted and demeaning, reducing our pretentious humanity to a childlike self-centeredness and caring little of what may come next.

"Après moi le déluge!" as was purportedly said by Louis XV, is as true today as it was in the years leading up to the French Revolution. A modern aristocracy rules, unknowing and uncaring of what was happening outside the doors of their limited comfort zone. A new elite has risen on the tide of welfare and material comfort, filling its pockets with the products of society's labours, and leaving the population to its own means once the artifical system starts to collapse.

The world is changing, and will continue to change. It is up to you and me to create a world in which each person and each living thing can take their rightful place in the scheme of life. To not do so is not only to deny your own humanity, but also deny your own dependence upon the world from which you came, and to which you will return at the appointed time.

Keep well...

Wordless on Wednesday

2011-12-14T19:21:00.000+01:00

Expecting the impossible

2011-12-12T10:23:00.001+01:00

One of the larger problems in life is wanting people to live up to your own expectations. I'm guilty of this quite often, I think we all do this occasionally. Have you noticed some times how huffy you become if somebody you value deeply suddenly starts doing things differently, or in ways which you don't really like?

I've seen this happen too often in myself. In a moment things go quiet, the conversation that remains becomes tense and the words which bounce around in your mind have suddenly become useless. Try getting yourself out of that one! You can't, all you can really do is take a small time out if possible, look at yourself and your reactions, and try to understand where the ill feeling comes from.

All too often, the emotions felt can be brought back to insecurity and fear. Mostly because one's cherished World Order is suddenly challenged, often because of fear once the realisation that things aren't what they seem hits home. They aren't and they never are because what you see, what you percieve, is a reflection of your own set of values, built up during many years of crap and circumstance and having little, if anything to do with the ultimate reality of what's really going on.

In a way, how we react is also a reflection of how we live. Quite often we drift through our lives with a sense of "it's all about me", hoping, expecting or even demanding that the world rearrange itself to our own wishes. If anything goes wrong, it's seen as a sign that you are being hindered in your own expectations, instead of recognising that things just happen of their own accord. Shit happens, irrespective of what we might do or think. That's all there is really.

So what to do? Actually, it's quite easy once you think about it. Change the things you can, identify the things you can't, find a workaround and otherwise let go if you can't do anything about it. Acceptance is not the blind fatalism or resignation many people think it to be, it's just recognising the fact that what you might want to do, think or be won't make a blind bit of difference to the situation at hand.

Change happens, nothing ever remains the same. Your expectations are only valid for yourself and an observant quietness is needed to see if expectations weigh up to the reality of the situation at hand. Whatever's good for me might not work for you and acknowledging this reality will make life a lot easier for all of us.

Hope this has helped, if it did please let me know. Keep well...

Perceptions of reality

2011-12-11T21:05:00.001+01:00

Sometimes things aren't always what they seem.

Keep well...

Moments of wonder

2011-12-10T08:30:00.000+01:00

I love a rainbow in the morning.

Have a great day, keep well...

Fractals on Friday

2011-12-09T09:51:00.001+01:00

(N.B.: please click on the images for an enlargement)

It's been a rather wild and windy week here, the weather has unsettled me a little and I feel as if I'm filled with a kind of nervous energy. Lots of new things going on, a couple of interesting possibilities starting to emerge and to an extent I'm feeling as if my mind is beginning to free up after a long period of tension and contraction.

One of the things I like to look for in my fractals is order, symmetry and any form of peacefulness I can find. Fractals usually start their lives as frantic and distracting flurries of motion and colour, which agitate and often annoy since as the storming of my senses is usually accompanied by some memories and insights I would prefer to ignore.

The more I look, the more I learn, and the deeper I go the more I discover about the world which hides behind the noise and chaos on the surface. The storm which rages across the ocean has little effect upon the currents which move slowly, deliberately and purposefully in the darkness and shadows of the world below.

Occasionally though, when the turbulence disturbs enough to reach down to the lower regions, issues and events become disloged and stirred up, moving toward the surface and affecting daily life. The time comes where I need to be open and honest with both myself and the world around me, not shunning topics of little interest or personal discomfort so as to bring out the truth behind the mask I wear and encouraging others to do the same.

Floating away on the surface, neither wishing nor able to reach down to see the world which lies hidden, left me with a false sense of security for many years. No more so, I now live in the knowledge that all things change, nothing is permanent and wishing otherwise is to seriously delude myself.

Keep well...

A moment of quietness

2011-12-08T12:54:00.000+01:00

Just taking the time to look out of the window, watching the clouds hurrying by and not being in any particular rush myself at the moment.

It's a nice day, my mind is clear after a good and long run. Let's keep it that way today.

Keep well...

2011-08-21T21:43:00.006+02:00

Photo by me
Why should a wheelchair limit your possibilities? Perhaps it's the start of altogether new ones...

Keep well!

---------------

Wordless on Wednesday

2011-08-10T09:14:00.001+02:00

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Wordless on Wednesday

2011-08-03T20:25:00.004+02:00

The fundamentalist mind

2011-08-02T07:28:00.003+02:00

"All fundamentalists worship the same gods - themselves. They worship the future prospect of their own empowerment."
~ Chris Hedges ~
---------------

Waking up

2011-08-01T14:26:00.004+02:00

"He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetuate it."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr. ~
In the end we all know perfectly well what is good and what is not. That quiet little voice at the back of our minds, that niggly little feeling that something isn't as OK as we're trying to convince ourselves, the agitation we might be feeling when we know we should be doing otherwise despite the best of intentions.

If we're alert enough, we know what we should be doing. Often enough, just the fact that we're aware of some unease or misgivings should be reason enough to look further than the present situation. We see around us, every day in every way, events taking place which in a sharing and caring society shouldn't and wouldn't be possible if we all stood up and made our voices heard at the right moments.

I'm not going into specifics here, we all have our own fields to tend and issues to address. The question for myself today is "What am I going to do to make the world a better place for everybody?"

Keep well, be aware...

---------------

Where do you stand?

2011-07-31T09:34:00.003+02:00

"When you live on a round planet, there's no choosing sides."
~ Wayne Dyer ~---------------

Droplets of hope

2011-07-30T20:35:00.002+02:00

Make the world a better place through small acts of kindness,
fill the ocean one drop at a time.---------------

Fractals on Friday

2011-07-29T18:56:00.002+02:00

Strange forms, strange days. The world is changing, old systems are being re-examined and new ones are in the proces of forming. History is becoming fluid once again, much uncertainty floats between peoples and nations. The time for action has come, at a time when the rot in our societies is becoming more and more apparent now the masked inequalities and hypocracies of past years surface.

There are those who would resist the change that is coming, who feel entitled or comfortable in the illusory world they've constructed for themselves, built at the expense of others. There are others who demand change, out of sense of frustration and inequality, understanding that those who have will do all they can to defend others who also have, at the expense of those who have been disposessed and rejected. Polarisation grows, the abyss which cuts through the dialogue grows wider and wider, unbelief and disbelief grow to epic proportions.

A time comes when an oppressed class takes to arms, ideologically, spiritually, perhaps physically. Education and elucidation become keys to a new future, hope which was merely smouldering is rekindled, shackles are cast off once the new possibilities become apparent. Knowledge becomes power, common cause becomes a social tide to effect the change which is to come.

The world is changing. The movement has started, we are awakening from decades of media-induced, self-congratulatory sleep and decide no longer wish to be lied to or manipulated.

The future starts with you and me, right here, right now. Do it. Take care and keep well...

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Perspectives

2011-07-28T21:11:00.003+02:00

"Everything that exists in the world, does so independently
of your opinion about it."
~ Wayne Dyer ~---------------

Wordless on Wednesday

2011-07-27T21:19:00.002+02:00

On violence

2011-07-26T21:04:00.004+02:00

I've been mulling over the events of the last few days, the actions of an apparently insane man have shaken and shocked the world. For my part, I have an incredible amount of difficult trying to understand how somebody in full possession of their mental facilities is able to inflict such violence on their fellow human beings.

For my part, I've always held the view that a human being is in essence a loving, altruistic creature, if only because any other position taken would only lead to intense suffering and the ultimate destruction of the social group. Without delving all too deeply into the nature or genesis of violence, I can only conclude that persons who are so willing to disregard the sanctity of human life lack the social skills to consider the needs or wishes of others, in order to further their own interests.

I'm still trying to find my way around on this topic, there are so many side issues which need consideration.

Keep well...

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A different perspective

2011-07-25T20:27:00.004+02:00

"If one man can see so much hate,
think how much love we can all see together."
~ Norwegian Prime Minister, quoting a AUF member ~---------------