Todays fractals are all taken from the same base image, generated by a complex trigonometric equation in Tierazon. It was quite an extraordinary journey for me this time, down into the depths of wildness and confusion only to discover that the ultimate destination of my trip was a simple field of pastel gradients. (Click on the images for an enlargement).
The initial chaos of colour subsided quite quickly after some magnification. There's a kind of disturbed elegance here, promising much but hiding even more I suspect.
Diving into one of the main spirals, one of the major themes is replicated endlessly, almost neurotically.
A couple of subthemes arise, stalks and branches grow along the extremities, dendrites reach out somewhat inconclusively and loose pentagrammic spirals slow down the descent.
This is one of my favourites in the series, many different tints of blue floating quietly in a sea of possibilities.
Looking dangerous like a poisonous plant, with colours dark and brooding yet also offering the seeds of something new and exciting.
Suddenly a rainbow appears in the gloom, opening a new path which was hidden between the fronds, to lead me to a place where silence and harmony are to be found.
Quite a surprise here. I often find pinpoints of quietness within the mathematical mayhem I produce, but I loved the gentle simplicity of this one. In a way this whole excursion has been a useful allegorical exercise for me, offering me some encouragement at a moment I needed it.
Katie was here for a few minutes this morning, coming from her mother's house on her way to school. I hadn't been expecting her, but in the way our co-parenting seems to have developed it felt like a fairly unremarkable event. We're both comfortable with the arrangement, I have little, if any, contact with her mother at the moment which I'd prefer to keep that way for the time being. Time needs to be taken, to heal, to start to grow again and to allow the breathing to come back in a natural way.
It's been a strange year, all things told, and although there are still a few complications to be rounded off, there's a feeling of distinct relief and calmness at the moment that I've missed for a very long time in my life. Most of my days at the moment are spent catching up on parts of my life I've gravely neglected for far too long. Quite often they're just the little things, which give pleasure, fill time in a meaningful way and open the mind for reflection without too much distraction by the noise of life.
In the brilliant summer weather we've been having recently, I've been spending a lot of time outdoors in the garden, out running or just walking to wherever it is I need to go. I'm still having serious issues with my employer, who has presented himself unwilling to take me back in the position I'm legally entitled to, although new pathways back into the employment field are being opened which offer a lot of new and exciting perspectives. To be honest I'm not particularly worrying about that at the moment, just taking things as the come and evaluating situations on an "as is" basis. Probably one of the most valuable lessons I've learned during the last two years is that planning for the future is at best an exercise in daydreaming, and at worst a serious delusion because of the false expectations I'd be generating for myself, the recognition of which soothes a soul all too willing to go off on wild goose-chases after unrealistic goals.
The preoccupations and distractions of the last months seem to be subsiding, leaving a quietness and calmness in their wake which I can only describe as both sobering and beneficial. I'm still deliberately shielding myself from the daily noise and hubbub, which I still find injurious and harmful at too many moments. Although my resilience and my self-confidence are growing again, I see that there's still a long period of recovery ahead of me. I doubt I'll ever feel at home in the "fast lane" of life since that's never really been the case, even in my younger days when I thought I could do anything and take the world to battle in the process, so the job at hand now is rediscovering a place for myself where I can feel happy, justified and comfortable in the life I need to lead for my own sanity and physical well-being.
The time has come to live my own life, the puppet's strings have been cut and the puppeteer sent home. I'm feeling reasonably confident and self-assured, feeling a huge relief that a life of chronic worry and self-doubt has been put behind me. Pity it took me so long to get to this point, but I guess I've seen a lot on my way to know how not to do things in the future.
It's been a while since I've posted anything here, my mind being preoccupied and distracted by no end of events unwanted and unneeded. I haven't been putting much attention into my fractals either, since most of my creative activities have ground to a pronounced halt during the last few months.
Even my photography has suffered, for whatever reason I've lost my focus there temporarily. Please accept the latest crop of fractals though in the spirit intended, also meant as an attempt to unfreeze my intuition for a moment. Enjoy... (Click on the images for an enlargement)