Next step

It's Sunday morning. It's quiet, thank heavens. A big flare-up last night in the family, a couple of small personal idiosyncracies being blown up out of all proportion, hurtful and demeaning words being spoken, nasty feelings on all sides.


I think the time has come, now that I've got my own life more or less back onto the right track, to get what's left of the feeling of family back together. At least as far as the girls are concerned. They're badly confused and disorientated at the moment, with all the (as muted as possible) nonsense of a divorce going on around them.


The perspectives are changing. It's been mostly about me and my ways of coping during the last nine months or so. It's time to grab hold of the larger picture and make the place a worthwhile and fulfilling one for my daughters. A lot of ground work has been done in months past, it's time to start building in earnest now. Up to now I've tried, with some success, to reconnect with the children but more within the framework of rebuilding my own sense of security and self-worth. The time has come to shift the emphasis.


Time and patience are needed, but most of all the recognition that each and every one of us is a person worthy of recognition on his/her own terms, however difficult it might be to reconcile those with our own cherished mindsets.


Time for action. Keep well...


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Fractals on Friday

Discovering new dimensions, the world is opening again. I'm more or less over my flu, getting a grip on myself and looking ever further inward, rediscovering myself in new ways every day.


Click on the image for an enlargement.
Sounds dramatic, but it isn't really. The process is so slow and gentle, it's as if there's a natural freeing up going on. The last two weeks have been really bad and I still need to shake off the negative residue which is clinging to me but all things told the brightness and the light are returning.


Keep well...

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Momento mori

The days are shortening, the mood falters...


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Focus

Spiralling inward, feeling free this morning.


Click on the image for an enlargement.
Keep well...

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The search

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Fractals on Friday

Except, this one's being published on a Saturday.


Click on the image for an enlargement.
I've been having a lot of fuss and bother with computers this week, the end result being that a new computer has been bought and the old one put out to pasture.

In between backupping all my old stuff, installing and configuring the new machine, and the ongoing dismanteling of a sad and rundown relationship I've been rather preoccupied, but hope to be back soon.

Thanks for dropping in, I'll be back as soon as practicably possible. Keep well...

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The games are over, the real work begins

The Olympic Games are over, the world offered mumbled and muted noises in support of Tibet, the oppression and the killing goes on unabated.


Even the smallest of actions can help change the world, you can do the same by letting the people around you see the ways in which the Tibetan people are suffering, offering Tibet encouragement in these dark days.


See the website of the Art of Peace Foundation where you can also buy the CD produced to raise both money and awareness for the Tibetan cause.

Keep well...

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Large Hadron Rap

A little upbeat news for all those who might have had their misgivings about CERN's Large Hadron Collider, potential black holes and the imminent destruction of the earth.


Keep well...

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Thought for the day

Opportunities come, possibilities pass, here today, gone tomorrow. The biggest mistake I can make is trying not to make mistakes.


Keep well..

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Fractals on Friday

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Thoughts about today

Once upon a time, many years ago in a city and a country far from here, an airplane and then another collided with a tall building, and then another. The world hasn't been the same place since.


An eye for an eye results only in everybody becoming blind.


Keep well...

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A day well spent

I had a day off yesterday to do some photography at a film shoot. The location was one of the older castles our country posesses, in Wijk bij Duurstede, a city with a long history which goes back to Roman times.

View upward of the main tower

Although most of the photography is under embargo until December, here's a couple of shots I can publish without causing any problems.

The ceiling of the crypt

Occasionally an interesting shot, resulting from poor lighting and long shutter times.

A somewhat haunting shot.

Keep well...

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Thought for the day

"Be kinder than necessary,
because everyone you meet is fighting
some kind of battle."

Keep well...


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Clear sailing

Yesterday was spent on the waters of the Frisian lakes, together with a number of colleagues. Below are a number of photos made of the day.


Part of the museum.

A traditional boat, building in progress.

Preparing to raise the main sail.

A similar boat to ours...

...passing us at high speed.

Yours truly.

Collegues preparing for the heavier work.

View toward one of the islands

The conscientious skipper and collegue

A secluded farm on one of the islands.

The skipper and his partner.
Keep well...

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English is fun

A couple of items received during the last few days...


A friend of mine was traveling to Boston, and I advised him that he should find a good restaurant to sample Boston Scrod. Having time upon his arrival, he asked his airport cabbie, "Do you know where I can get scrod?"
The cabbie replied, "Mister, I have heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive".


If, when seeking a rhyme for persnicket,
You have to include the word thicket,
Just go to the dic-
Tionary and pick
Some homonym there and, uh, stick it.


The Rhyme Assassin
A poet who lived in Japan
Wrote lim'ricks that never would scan.
He said, "I admit
I'm a bit of a twit,
But I always try to squeeze as many syllables into the very last line as I possibly can."


Hmmm, the things we do for kicks sometimes...
A poet who lived in Japan
Wrote lim'ricks that never would scan.
Though words he could bend
His poems would end
Rather suddenly.


Keep well...

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The Progress of Beauty

An intriguing image I found this morning. I've always had a fascination for recursive themes, this image has the added twist of several centuries artistic change.


Keep well...

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Fractals on Friday

Exploring the possibilities of one particular filter.
(Click on the images for an enlargement)



If you want to see more fractals, take a look at my artwork site.

Keep well...
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Crossroads

I think the crunch is coming on soon as far as my work is concerned. As much as I'd like to continue in the present position, for the security it provides, I'm nevertheless experiencing a growing feeling of unease and lack of commitment which is souring the few hours that I need to fill in productively. Concentration is down to a bare minimum, an inability to identify with what I'm supposed to be doing follows me on a moment to moment basis and the "assembly-line" feeling seems to have taken the upper hand.


The fact that my employer jumped at the chance to screw me over for his own benefit last January hasn't helped, and although I've managed to put most of the ill-feeling behind me there's still a residue of unease and resentment I just can't shake off for whatever reason. Worst of all though, the niggling feeling that I'm filling somebody elses pockets whilst struggling to keep my own head above water is paralysing me vocationally nowadays.


That's not the main point though. Since I started out in the graphic sector in 1984 my work and my sense of enjoyment have changed many times in many ways in the wake of varying circumstances.


Whichever way I wish to look at my present situation, I see that I'm just not able to muster the enthusiasm or insight as I used to in years past. My present tasks are much less challenging than they used to be, most of the creative and exciting work is either outsourced or brought in for production and delivery, leaving me with an emptiness I can't seem to shake off.


Perhaps now, while the big shake-down in my life is going on anyway, I should take the chance to move on to something completely different and more meaningful for me. After 48 years of practice at hitting walls time and again, I guess one more won't matter all that much either. Who knows, I might even end up surprising myself and if I don't try, I'll never know either.


Keep well...

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Progression

Yesterday, cycling in the rain back home after a successful running session, I got to realising how lucky I actually was. I was soaked by the time I got home, but had the feeling of "who cares" after an insightful discussion with my trainer. Most of it was about making decisions, when and how to act or react in a group, and how to force solutions if the options available weren't particularly to my liking.


There's a lot of peace to be found in making clear, deliberate and direct decisions. Cutting the crap and just getting the job done has a satisfaction of its own when compared to endless floundering in "what if's" and considering possible outcomes, none of which eventuate because something else will usually turn up at the last moment to complicate things anyway.


I've wasted too much of my life up to now considering that which might or should be happening instead of applying a hands-on approach to running my life. The habits of the addict, the perpetual procrastinator and the habitual avoider of real-life issues are being discarded, one by one. In a way it's a little sad to have to shed the comfort of a self-serving inertia but at the same time it's exciting to feel how good it is to deliberately and decisively stand up for my own needs and wishes.


Another day, with lots of rain again, but it's going to be a good one. Keep well...

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Damage control

We all carry lots of mental baggage along with us during our lives. Events and experiences leave their mark on us, forming us and recreating our perceptions of the world around us. We are all products of our environment in many more ways than we'd even dare suspect.


Part of what I'm needing to deal with at the moment is the "unfinished business" of my parents, occasioned during the Second World War and never treated in a meaningful way. Partly because it hadn't even been diagnosed as such until recently in my mother, who is now 76, partly because it wasn't even seen to be a valid disability for many years in my fathers case.


Children pick up on the issues their parents carry with them. Even though they mightn't be talked about, the actions and acquired habits of adults are firmly imprinted into the developing psyche of a child and form behaviour which is carried on through life, for better and for worse.


I had a long talk with my counciller yesterday, evaluating my progress during the last months, comparing my life situation now with that of six months ago. We both agreed that a lot has been accomplished and that I could justifiably feel proud of myself whilst acknowledging that there was still and enormous amount of work to be done in the near future.


One of the most important issues for the coming period is now that I shouldn't take too much time to (over-)analyse how situations came into being but concentrate more on how to deal with the after-effects. Although one of strategies is one of acquiring as much background knowledge as possible, the only one of real benefit is a hands-on, real-time tackling of present issues and concerns which arise from them.


Most importantly, I still need to discuss issues further with the girls in as far as teenagers are willing and/or able to listen or understand. We have a fairly healthy understanding with each other nowadays but there's still a long way to go, since I see and know that each of them have been severely bruised emotionally by the domestic state of affairs in the course of many years. I know what I've done wrong and although I'm not going on a guilt trip I still feel the responsibility and the need to do as much as I can to alleviate the damage in whatever ways possible.


I think that being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world, because no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do you'll still end up getting it wrong mostly anyway. Let's just call it "applied damage-control with the best of intentions".


Keep well...

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