Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Retrospective

It's late in the evening of New Years Eve, at the end of a strange and confusing year which has brought a total upheaval in almost every quarter of my daily life. I've left a lot behind me, discarded a lot of excess bagage from my previous life whilst picking up inspiration and doing battle with conflicting world views. Neutralising an addiction, getting a grip on a failed relationship, analysing myself and my motives and re-establishing relations with a couple of confused and unhappy teenagers who just happened to be my daughters, have been part of a total overhaul that I hadn't thought possible twelve months ago.


It goes without saying that it's been worthwhile, it's been dead tiring and it's not over yet. Divorces and life changes have a habit of doing that with you, they go on and on and on and drive me to distraction. Never mind though, the only thing that really matters is the knowledge that 2009 will see an improvement in life that I'd only dreamt of and never been able to experience. Doors have closed behind me, new ones are opening all around me and the choices available are bewildering to say the least.


I've been badly distracted recently, to say the least. A lot of what I would like to do has been put on hold while I'm preoccupied with other running issues. For better or for worse, important people in my life have drifted away in the same way I've also done. Perhaps it's a natural thing, change being the major common denominator in any sense of human activity but the changes hurt and leave me behind with a sense of loss and disappointment although the moments of connection and happiness will be cherished forever.


This New Year will be the last one celebrated in the old fashion and whilst I'm glad it will be over soon, I'm just a little sad that all the hopes and promises of years past are dissolving into irrelevance in such an offhand way. I can't talk to my soon-to-be-ex-partner about this, she figures it's a problem of my own doing and I need to deal with in my own way. So I do, I've given up trying not to tread on sensibilities and proscribed modes of conduct, the only way out for me in a life on my own terms.


I'd like to wish you all a Happy New Year, one filled with promise and happiness despite the occasional downturns and moments of despair. Life will get better, it always does once your perspectives move in the right directions and you get the right people around you as well.


Keep well...

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4 comments:

  1. It's 23:16 here, Bart. I just came by to wish you a happy New Year, filled with continued growth, balance and insight. I've appreciated your words, and your ability & willingness to share, especially over the past year. Even if I'm not commenting, even if you're not able to "visit," I do hold your friendship dear.

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  2. New Year, new beginnings Bart. From what I've read, you've come so far. Here's wishing you all the strength needed to go further.

    Take care.

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  3. Well, Bart, I want to express my Gratitude to you for "keep on keeping on". Your blog is a refuge for such a nice collective of folks. It's become a hub for good, decent, people whom I so glad to have connected with. It's a fine thing to have attracted such good company. But of course, underneath my cynical shell, I'm at heart a sentimentalist! (and a thief).
    I wish you well in 2009, and leave you with a quote from Neil Gaiman:
    "May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

    - Dave

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  4. thank you for your good wishes zilla, i'm glad you've been around this last year to encourage me at moments... i know, from experience, that you're always been here at the right moments and for that i'm truly grateful ;-)

    indeed lane, a new year and a new start... we've all come so far and yet there is still so far to go in the journey of life... thanks for sharing this part of the journey, i'm hoping you'll stay for the next stages... hope you're recovering well and not suffering too much discomfort

    i'm grateful for that fascinating quote dave, it's a fine inspiration for the coming period when a couple of decisive moves need to be made...
    i'm glad you feel at home here, i'm trying to keep my act together as much as possible, the last three months were difficult but perhaps i can pick up the threads and continue from here...
    thanks for coming along ;-)

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