The down side of yesterday was that I was supposed to be having a meeting with my employer to discuss current issues, one of which being my current sick leave which is going to turn into a long and drawn out series of treatment by the look of things. Even though I've managed to physically kick my addiction, there are still psychological and psychiatric aspects needing serious attention, and even though I've been working hard during the last couple of months to get myself back together there is still a long, hard road to be followed in the coming months.
It amazed me that there was such a lack of understanding by the management, that whilst mumbling the appropriate words and wishing me all the best of luck they were taking all the steps to reduce the damaged caused by the liability I had become. Harsh words had fallen before my treatment, an initial refusal to pay my wages because my condition was self-inflicted in their view, a reluctance to cooperate with the appropriate authorities concerned with my reintegration back into the workplace are making things worse.
I'd written a rather critical report a few weeks ago, indicating the steps both the company and I would be needing to take during my recovery period so that I would be able to work as efficiently and as effectively as possible in the future. I didn't spare any punches, pulled apart my own performance as well as that of the company in general to indicate where significant improvements could be made and the ways in which these could be done since there was a reasonably large stress component mixed up in my condition. My report was generally viewed by the management as being neither acceptable nor relevant, besides the points in which I was critical of myself.
The end result was a bit of an anti-climax really. I hadn't been to this office for a while, since I've been working in a smaller, secondary office close to home since returning. And although I was "home" I was actively ignored by management for almost two hours, there being a sudden sales and planning meeting called just before I arrived so nobody really had time for me. It was a bit of a bother because I could have spent my time a lot better but made up for that by catching up on my colleagues, whom I hadn't really seen all that much during the last couple of months. We shared good small talk, bits of gossip, each others life changes and developments in the company on an equal basis like we used to.
In the end it didn't really matter if they wanted to speak to me at all or not. The issues involved can wait, I've got a thick dossier of all correspondence and current issues, and the longer they wait, the more time I have to prepare myself effectively. I am thoroughly fed up with being trampled over, reside in the luxury of relative immunity for the time being since I'm officially on sick leave but working on a therapeutic basis. I'm going to make the most of my possibilities, learn to bring issues back into the proper perspective and enjoy myself in the meantime.
I'm hopeful and I know it's all going to turn out OK, I just have to wait a little (or a lot) longer and develop some patience as well. Good lessons come in awkward packages sometimes...