Excuses, explanations

Despite all the best of intentions, I haven't really been particularly well focussed or "with it" during the last few months. I haven't paid all that much attention to a lot of people who have been especially kind and caring in all sorts of ways, which is a fact which upsets me at moments because part of the beauty of blogging is also the interaction between the writers and the readers... we discover kindred souls scattered around the globe who write and read, enriching themselves and others with their words.


I've been far too preoccupied for such a long time, trying to regain control of my life and having succeeded in some ways but at a huge personal cost. The place I'm now allows me more personal freedom to blog at moments (usually between 6 and 7 a.m.) but has very limited facilities, one of which being that all sites belonging to the .blogspot.com domain are effectively blocked. One of the net results is that I can't even see the end result of what I've written myself, I have to work "blind" and hoping that the preview I generate whilst composing is an accurate representation of what appears on your screen. It also means I'm not able to read anybody elses blog for the time being.


If treatment goes according to schedule, I'll be released on Friday 8th and will be going "home". Although I say released, implying some sort of judicial pressure, the treatment was a voluntary but extremely necessary one. I am free to go if the need or the necessity dictates but all I really want is to get the treatment finished, get my priorities sorted out for once and for all and get my life moving again, with or without the family members who wish to travel along with me. I've lost too much by now and as I've written, the future starts now. Every day in every way, the future is for the taking and for the making within the limits imposed by society.


The detoxification period went well, with little complications, the personal analysis and self-examination is a little more painful as I discover more and often unpleasant truths about myself. I've learned a lot about how I function as an individual, how societies function, how to deal with emotions, how to identify negative habits and habit forming and have gained a lot of insight into the intersections between addiction and psychology/psychiatry. I've come to understand the way the nervous system reacts to stimuli and any number of stimulants and depressants.


I've been lucky and am extremely grateful for the care and healing I've received. Pity the indidual doesn't have these possibilities, who can't cope for reasons often beyond their control, pity society in general for marginalising those who posess much potential but who are pushed aside because of behaviour patterns which are not fully understood and thus deemed unacceptable.


We owe it to each other, we owe it to ourselves to try to see and understand.
Keep on trying, keep well...

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