Looking back and moving on

I'm very grateful for the insightful and personal comments left on several previous posts, they have been of immense help for me and I hope they can also be of use for the passers-by who read and move on. Part of my mission at the moment is raising the public perceptions on addiction issues, another more long-going issue on which I write more frequently is the way individuals perceive themselves in a world that can be both frightening and confusing at moments.


The Christmas vacation was a breaking point for me after a number of turbulent months at home. There were serious issues going on, relationship troubles between various members of the family and others who were suffering from the fallout. There was no way out because even if the will was present, the situation at hand had frozen intentions and attitudes and despite whatever actions any of us tried to take the net result was as close to zero as possible. There was only one way out as far as I could see, and that I would have to take one of the most drastic actions of my life in the hope that I could force some kind of solution. I needed help, my partner needs help and my children are in desperate need of attention by psychological professionals.


In the end, the only solution I could find was to forcibly remove myself from the battlefield for a while, to get my own problems sorted out as thoroughly as possible so I could start what I hope will be a healing process for my own family. The girls understand what I'm doing and appreciate my doing so in a quietly acceptive way, my partner is having difficulty with my change in attitude but that's also not surprising since we've had enormous difficulties for a very long time.

The physical separation is beneficial for my part in that I can breathe freely and think without the clouds of emotion blurring my self-analysis. I've been here in this clinic for just over a week, I'll be staying here for another two weeks but the time needs to be spent wisely, I need to work quickly and I need to work on a lot of social skills I've either forgotten or never learned in the first place.


I'm extremely thankful for Lori's comment which crystallised much of what has been happening in my life... I've been paying too much attention to what I thought people were thinking about me instead of just getting on with my life and letting people think what they like. Without going into the subject too deeply, I could say that communicating with the people around us is a two-way street. People have a responsibility for what they say or do, in accordance with their own characters and personal fields of experience but by the same token the person who receives a message or perceives some sort of communication also has a responsibility to examine and use the information provided by the other, also using the skills they have at their disposal but also depending on their own personal mindset which might be dislocated or not in myriad ways.

This, to my mind, is the basis for a wholesome and loving community... one in which the individual can do and say as they wish, whilst respecting the integrity of those around them but also one in which the individual needn't feel intimidated by misunderstandings or by being misunderstood. If one is able to feel safe and comfortable in one's surroundings, only then can that person become the individual he or she was intended to be.


For me, now, the three key words are Stop, Listen and Learn. In the meantime, the battle with myself continues and I'll keep you posted, circumstances permitting.


Keep well, be yourselves and be true to your ideals.

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